I have been miserable most of my life I don't want to live anymore but I don't want to hurt my children.?

I'm in a very bad relationship and my boyfriend is my boss and landlord. I can't seem to do anything that pleases him at work or at home. I have NO family around and I don't keep in contact with my family where I'm from. I seem to bring more problems to every life I touch. Although I love my children deeply I've not been the best of mothers. My father committed suicide and I know the effects it can have on the children. I don't want to hurt anyone and I'm soooo tired of feeling miserable myself also. I am Truly stuck. I was seeing a psychiatrist but my insurance got canceled so now I've got to figure this out on my own. I've tried praying NOTHING HELPS!!!!!! I can't make it one day without crying. I just want to be happy and the people I love to be happy also. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts most of my life and have even attempted it a couple of times. I'm feeling that kind of despair again. Someone PLEASE give me an answer that will help relieve some of this emotional agony!!!